These cats - our guardians

We let these cats into our hearts. All of our cats were rescued from ours and others' yards. At first, it feels like we are the heros - we saved something (and it's true). But not too long after, these cats become our guardians, watching over us, always there. Yes, every cat has a unique personality - but all our cats were/are our guardians.

I wrote a story about this in the second Stopping to Smell the Flowers - Everything's Coming Up Roses (My Shadow pg.123). The story is about the loss of my first cat Aberdeen, and the recognition of the bond we had, and how she had always been by my side, so majestic, as she accompanied me on my life journey.

We had to put one of our cats down today. We took her in yesterday knowing something wasn't right with her health. She had always been a timid cat, always scurrying away when we came near. She got along well with the other cats, and even though she cuddled with us a few times early on but then never again until most recently - I knew she was letting us know she was in trouble health wise.

The universe communicates to us on the daily, and multiple times about the same thing - here's what happened next as we waited in the vet's waiting room. We could see two dogs come out of the usual two separate examining rooms that we have always used. The vet appeared from the other side of the front desk and said "we're ready for you!", and I said - "We go into one of these usual rooms?" and she said, "no, today I'm over here", and in we walked to the room that Aberdeen and Willamina were euthanized - where we said goodbye to them, more than 10 years ago, and I hadn't been in there since. Uh oh, I thought ...this is the end..

Of course we discussed potential treatment plans for our cat based on what her bloodwork might show the next day. The call came this morning that the kindest thing we could do was to say goodbye.

I asked Aberdeen and Willamina, our cats who had passed years ago, to meet her as she transitioned. I could feel (energetically) that they were more than excited to do so. I brought her "baby", a stuffed toy fish that was made of some sort of wool that she loved and would cry/meow and carry it around with her. She'd place it at the food bowl or water dish and always by her bed she loved to lay in. It was how I showed her today that she was our baby too, and that we loved her as much as she loved her little stuffed baby toy.

My husband and I drove away after saying goodbye and he said "need a coffee?", to which I said yes. We drove into the Tim Horton's parking lot and I remembered phoning my mom and dad in that same parking lot 12 years ago after my Aberdeen had passed, and saying "She's gone...I know it was the best for her, that her life was over and she was suffering greatly, but Where Is She Now?". There was no real answer from my mom, she just held space for me. I probably didn't even hear what she said through my grief. As we pulled into the same parking lot today, pretty much at the same coordinates, my phone had a notification pop up from Snap Chat (which I NEVER USE!), saying I had a new friend suggestion: Vicki and Roger Bergmann - my Mom and Dad. My mom has crossed over almost 6 years ago now, and my Dad's health is declining. It was literally (the timing in these synchronistic events is Everything)...my mom (and dad) energetically reaching out to support me. My parents were huge cat lovers and rescuers. They were letting me know I'm seen and loved even when it is not physically apparent to the naked eye, as I can't see them. How wonderful. I felt their love.

I placed Sylvester's cat baby toy ("7", was her nickname for the white #7 that was on her chest when she sat proudly, as cats do when they are being your guardian) next to Aberdeen's ashes in our curio cabinet.

I will hold the memory in my heart of when we first saw Sylvester taking slightly ineffective shelter between the side of the above ground pool and it's winter cover during a storm. She would have died otherwise. We took her in, and gave her shelter, love and belonging. She didn't wind up living the full number of years a cat can muster, but what is time really. It's all experience. It's all love.